Thursday, November 22, 2012

Today I got the picture CD from my sister of Lain's birthday. It has only been three months, but I have loved reliving that precious day. Seriously, one of the greatest day of my life! I know it sounds crazy, but I have used the word "fun" often to describe Lain's birth - a day I couldn't have planned better and such a truly laid back and fun way to bring a person into the world. It started off like a pretty normal Friday, because even though my body was tired and hurting like crazy we were still three weeks away from my due date. I went in for my weekly doctor's appointment and found out that things were pretty much the same, except that I/we had grown 4 centimeters in one week! I was actually kind of glad for the confirmation that what I had been thinking and feeling wasn't crazy and this baby was getting bigger fast! My doctor was on call that weekend, but said she didn't have anyone ready for labor, so I told her I hoped she got the weekend off. After a great appointment, Kasey and I took the kids to lunch and decided to take them to the outdoor back to school party at Let's Jump.
Maelie and Henry were living it up, but Lorelai was not that impressed and I was hot and feeling huge so she and I decided to head home early to take a nap. A little while later, Kasey stopped by the house to drop Maelie off and I asked her to take Lorelai with her instead so I could actually nap :) I was laying around, almost asleep when I thought I heard/felt my water break. I was beyond excited, but a little nervous to jump the gun. I called Kyle and by the time he got home I was sure that was what was had happened, even though I was having zero contractions. I showered, did my hair and packed while I waited for Kyle to get home. It was so exciting to be getting ready to meet our little guy, and the fact that I was in no pain yet made it even more fun. Kyle got home, we got the carseat out of the box and headed for the hospital.
Signing in at the hospital! They got me all situated in our room, and the most precious nurse came in to help take care of us. I have been so blessed to have an amazingly sweet nurse with each one of my babies. I remember each of their names and the kindness that they showed to my family. This night, our nurse was Emily and she was so great at being fun and friendly and at the same time professional. Around 6:30 I started having mild contractions. By about 10:00 I was at a 4 and having contractions about every minute. I decided to go ahead and get my epidural. Genius. It went great and I felt so good! They did it light enough that I could still feel my feet and move around a little so I never got too uncomfortable, but I still couldn't feel the full contraction. It was perfect. My blood pressure was a little wonky, but sweet Emily kept working with me and helping me feel the best I could as we got more and more ready to meet our new little guy. Finally, a little before midnight, I told her I felt a little weird and wanted her to check me. Her exact words were "don't cough and don't sneeze!" She called the doctor and our favorite OB came in and started to chat a little, but the nurse said - Go get ready, she's ready to go! Dr. Wood got ready and bby that point the room was ready to go and so was I! I kidded with her that I never imagined I would be the reason she didn't get the weekend off :) She said "Okay, let's have a baby! Start pushing whenever you're ready!" Three pushes later, with some laughing and chatting in between, our sweet Lain was born. I couldn't believe how fast and easy it was.
He came out screaming, but it was so sweet that after I held him for a minute, they checked him and laid him on my chest and he immediately got quiet.
What an unbelievably sweet way to welcome an unbelievably sweet boy into the world!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


Today I feel the need to testify about the Lord's faithfulness an goodness in my life. Today I am looking back on an almost two year journey and He has chosen today to reveal Himself to me in a fresh way. Over the past two years I have been asking, then pleading with the Lord over a specific prayer request. There have been highs and lows in the waiting for an answer and I admit I have not been the most patient person through this. In fact, over the past few months I have often given in to times of despair and had come to a very odd place in my faith. I still loved the Lord and believed He was good. I even believed He wanted good things for me, and clung to that scripture. I had, however, begun to believe that fr whatever reason he had decided to stop answering my prayers. Not say no, not stop listening, just stop responding. I felt ignored and that felt way worse than hearing Him say no. I even at times began to feel scared to pray for really important things. My friends mom was dying of cancer and I wanted her to live so badly that at times I was afraid to pray for her healing. You see, I did not want to be in the way of hundreds of others begging for her healing. He might not answer if I prayed.

I know. That is messed up logic and theology, but it's where I was. I am thankful that the Holy Spirit within me kept prompting me and prompting me to pray, or I might have stopped. However, the last few weeks I have felt like I was slowly pulling my head above water on this. Praying more and more everyday, with more confidence in His sovereignty in all things. Living life with more of His peace, glory to God.

And then this morning I picked up and old bible study. I've had it or years and never really gotten going in it. Apparently did a few days of it when I was pregnant with Lorelai. Things were a little rocky then. My marriage honestly was not in the sturdiest place. I had invested countless hours praying over, discplining, talking to and loving on a two year old who tried me every single day and almost as often brought me to tears, yet it seemed to be in vain. Even her beloved Grammy told me she was the hardest kid she'd ever seen. And here was this new baby growing in my tummy, making me wonder everyday if i could do this. How could I raise a new baby when I clearly wasn't very good at this whole parenting thing. What on earth was I doing? The weight of the responsibility (not to mentione the increased work load) seemed daunting.

I decide to flip through the answers to what I started over two year ago. In it was a prayer that I had written asking the Lord to replace my feelings of increased responsibility with joy, peace and confidence as a mother. I was overwhelmed as I read those words that I don't even remember writing. I have said often since lorelai's birth that if we followed the Chinese tradion of naming your baby after you've gotten to know them awhile that her name would be Joy. She has filled our lives with it. I have often remarked in the past year and a half or so how much more I feel like I've "come into my own" on this parenting thing. Not that I'm perfect by any means but the insecurity that plagued me for a long time is gone. And over the past year or so we have begun to see some of the fruit of the years of hardwork a Maelie has blossomed into a precious little girl who loves the Lord and has a passion for His word.

So basically over the past two years the Lord has been answering my prayers. You have no idea what it means to me to climb out of a valley, look back and see the evidence that the Lord was working the whole time you felt ignored. He is so faithful to us even when we are struggling mightily with our faith. He was always there. Of course He was. It is so precious of Him to not only be there, but to let us know it. To reveal Himself and the work He has been doing in our lives. Part of the greatness of this to me is that the original prayer - the two year prayer that started this whole particular journey - still has not been answered. But the cry of my heart to know Him more has been, which is so much sweeter.

Friday, July 01, 2011

Rise and Shine!

This post is a little detour from my normal kid-type posts, but something really amazing happened to me and I want to share it. For years now - YEARS - I have struggled with extremely low energy. At first it seemed to make since because it took Maelie about 3 years to learn how to sleep through the night. Of course you'd be tired if you haven't slept all night in years. But then she figured it out and Lorelai has been an expert sleeper from way back. And still the tired. I mean, 8-10 hours a night and still feel like I have to nap for an hour or two every afternoon tired. It just didn't feel right, but nothing I seemed to do made a difference. I even went to an endocrinologist who said my bloodwork looked good and of course I'm tired I have a job, little kids, a house to run, etc.

Still, that did not seem to add up. I know lots of moms in the same life place I'm in and they still seem to have the energy to keep up with the laundry. Last week I finally went to the Fem Center, a homeopathic clinic of doctors. I've heard about them and thought about going for years. I almost cried when the doctor said, "no, you should not be this tired - you're young and healthy in the prime of you life." My feelings exactly!!! After talking to me for awhile, he said that sometimes having a baby does weird things to your body. It stops doing things it should do, and forgets to start back up after the baby's born. He took a lot of blood and gave me some supplements to help get my system back on track. And I HAVE NOT TAKEN A NAP IN A WEEK! I have even stayed up later than 9:00 at night. You have no idea how life changing this is. I made the kids 4th of July shirts. I painted my kitchen cabinets. I've read my Bible more. I've had a few minutes to myself at night. I still have not done the laundry, but hey, first things first!

Seriously, I have always wondered how other moms get it all done. I've been pretty hard on myself about my lack of ability to keep up - with the house, the kids, projects on my wish list, etc. Now I get it. Ya'll get stuff done while they're sleeping. You even stay up later than them at night. I'm on to you now and I'm in, too! So, if you have any weird issues that don't seem right, you should definitely go see my new best friends at the Fem Center. They have blessed my life more than I can tell you!

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Hannah and Sarah

I have always loved Maelie's heart for the Word of the Lord. It has amazed me from the time she was very young how she memorized and loved the Bible. Lately, it has blessed me so much to watch her learn to apply the stories and lessons from the Bible to her life. My recent favorite is driving in the car the other day, she told me that she thinks we need a baby in our family. She really, really wants one and she wants it to be a brother. I was pretty startled by that and told her that that is something we have to talk to God about for a long time before it happens. She said, "Good idea, Mommy. Hannah talked to God and she got a baby and Sarah talked to God and she got a baby, too. We should definitely talk to God about it."

Monday, May 09, 2011

A Whole Hand

Dear Maelie,

You are five years old! Five! I can hardly believe it. I'll be honest with you, this has been an exceptionally hard one. Five means Kindergarten, time away from you, independence gained. So many good things that still pull on a Mommy's heartstrings. I don't know why I feel like it's snuck up on me. I mean, I knew eventually you would be five, but here I am shocked that it really happened. It's just that these past years have gone by so quickly. Some of it was a blur from too little sleep. Some of it was a blur from tears in my eyes of frustration. So much of it is crystal clear beauty of watching you grow. From a tiny baby to a big, helpful five year old, it's as if I've been watching little miracles everyday. There are so many memories that I treasure in my heart of being your Mommy and getting a front row seat of your life. This is why I scrapbook. So you can know some of these precious things about yourself, and so that you can always look and see and read about how loved you are, have always been. So that you can see how the Lord has grown you and shaped you over your lifetime. It's just too good of a story for me to keep to myself!

I have literally cried and cried about this birthday. If I had these past five years to do over again the only thing that I would change is that I would look around a little more, soak it all in a little more. Slowly, though, it has dawned on me that though you were once connected to me, every moment since the moment you were born had been little steps at you growing away from me and into who the Lord created you to be - your own amazing person living out the plans He has set out for you alone. I have been comforted by the mental image of you slowly leaving my arms as you walk more and more confidently and independently into His. And if this is the case, I'm in! My deepest desire is for you to know Him. I see just that coming. You love to talk about the Lord, His word, and what it means. You ask the best questions. I know that there are things about Him that you already get. You demonstrate for me everyday what it means to have childlike faith.

My prayer for you this next year is that you will flourish in your first steps out into the world on your own, but that you will always know that Mommy and Daddy are right here to love you and help you. That you will continue to love and absorb the word of God, making it your own, seeing what the Lord is speaking to you through it. My prayer for me is that I would be intentionally seeking out God's wisdom and discernment in cultivating the gifts He has given you, that I would love you in a way that gives you the confidence and freedom to grow into the person you were created to be.

I love you so much, Maelie Sarah! I am more proud of you than I could put into words. You are an amazing person - so beautiful and smart, so deep and precious. Nothing you can ever do will change the fact that you Mommy and your Heavenly Father are crazy about you.

Love you sweet girl,

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Two many ways to count...

Dear Lorelai,

Tonight is your last night of being one. I cannot believe how much you have learned and grown this year. You've gone from saying a few single words here and there to speaking in complete sentences most of the time, using big words like delicious and beautiful. It is precious to me how many of your words are pretty, happy, encouraging words like those. I think that says a lot about who you are and about your sweet personality. You are such a happy, laid back, funny girl and the joy you have brought to our lives in two short years is immeasurable. Being your Mommy is one of the greatest joys of my life. It has opened my eyes to new things in the Lord. I can hardly grasp that my delight in you is just a shadow of the delight He finds in you and in His children. I look at you sometimes with a heart so full of joy and stop and try to imagine Him looking down on you, smiling even bigger than I am, laughing even deeper, loving even more. It makes me love Him and you even more and puts a fire in me to do everything I can to lead you to Him so that you can feel it, too. I can already see so many of the gifts He has given you blossoming and I know that He will use your innocent eyes and joyful heart to do great things in His kingdom. One of my favorite things about you is how observant you are. Once we were driving up a hill at dusk and you said, "Ooo, happy! A moon." I looked and saw the moon hanging there, looking very pretty and thought about how I probably wouldn't have noticed it if you hadn't pointed it out. You do that often - see the beauty in the world around us and point it out to me. My prayer for you this year is that you would continue to see the world around you with your special perspective and share it with others, that you would grow safe and healthy, that you would feel loved and accepted in our home and by your parents for just the precious person that you are and that your sweet heart would be fertile ground for the seeds planted there of your Fathers love for you. My prayer for me this year is that I would look to the Lord to guide you and teach you, that He would open my eyes further to the gifts that He has given you and help to nurture and grow them, that I would model for you someone who loves and needs the Lord passionately and lives her faith in words and actions. I cannot wait to see all the Lord has in store for you in your third year of life!

There are TWO many to list, but here are a few of the things you love at this age and I love about you.

The gallop - you rarely actually run, but gallop instead, especially if you are really excited. You usually have big eyes as you do it and it always makes us laugh!

Little Bunny FooFoo - I was probably the only mommy buying Easter bunnies on Valentine's Day, but I saw one and knew you would love it. You fell in love with this song when we were doing shadow puppets one night, and now anytime you see a shadow you say it. You ask for it all the time and love to sing it with your own finger bunnies. It is the cutest!

"happy" - This is what you say when you see something you like. The first time I remember it is the first time you saw our neighbor's Christmas lights. We were getting out of the car, and you pointed and said "Ooo, happy." I hadn't even noticed they were up. You say it often, and usually about sweet things like that.

You love to sing! Here are some songs you know and sing to yourself - I know you (from Sleeping Beauty), chim chimeny, Do you want to be my friend, God made me to wink and blink (my favorite about this one is your "aye aye" sound effects)

Your silly face - Once at night when I opened the car door the light came on and you snapped your head up to look at it like you were startled. Something about the face you made cracked me up. The next day we parked in the daylight and you did it again and looked at me to make sure I noticed. It made me laugh even harder that you were trying to make me laugh on purpose. Now you say "silly face!" and lean your head way back to make us laugh.

Knows letters and numbers - I couldn't believe it when I started to work on your letters and numbers - you knew 8 letters and almost all your numbers! I guess you really pay attention at school.

Notice the letters and numbers you knows - If you see the letters or numbers that you know you love to point them out on signs and things. I think you are so smart!

How much you love Daddy - you always ask for him second every morning (after Maelie), after nap anytime you hear a car drive by you say "daddy home!" and pretend talk to him on my phone anytime you get ahold of it.

the deep laugh and the high laugh - thanks to Mary Poppins, your favorite movie, we've started using different kinds of laughs. Anyway we laugh - deep, high, fast, etc. - you will mimic. It usually turns into real laughter because it is so funny.

You are the sweetest sister! You love Maelie so much and ask for her first thing every morning. You love to hug her and you two play so great together. If she's sad, you get so concerned. You say "Mae Mae cwyin'" and hug her and pat her. She is such a great sister to you, and I love the relationship that the two of you have.

The way you so often will grab my leg or hug my neck out of nowhere and say "I luba you Mommy." It's my most favorite thing you do.

Other Things You Love at Two:
Yo Gabba Gabba
My chenille socks - you put them on like leggings and wear them all over
Chocolate milk - well, hot chocolate mix with cold milk. It's one of the only times you are near tantrum mode screaming "chokit milk!!"
Ms. Brandi, your teacher. You will grab your backpack and run down the hall when you see her come in in the morning, you love her so much we invited her to your birthday party!
Playing with my phone - you love the games and you've figured out how to watch tv shows on my ipod
Mary Poppins
Princess books
Being "nekid jay" even if it's only you're "nekid jay feet" you love having some part of your clothing off.
Jumping - in your bed, mine, the bouncehouse, a trampoline - if it's bouncy, you're jumping!
Bible time - I love hearing your sweet voice say "it's Bible time!" everytime we say time for bed.
Your Bwankie - it seems you get more attached to it everyday. Luckily, it can be anyone that is silky on one side. You love to tuck into a ball and cover yourself in it when you're sleepy.

Monday, February 07, 2011

Snow Days!

We had such a great time this week! It is pretty much Maelie's dream to "stay home all day in her jammies" so four days in a row was about the best thing she could think of. I knew we might be in for one day, so I stocked up on paint, crayons, new coloring books, popcorn, m&ms and hot chocolate. It was such a gift to have all of that uninterrupted time playing with my girls and getting our house a little more organized. Here's a little glimpse of our snow-cation (in reverse order because I'm technically challenged like that):

Making snow ice cream. They both loved it!
Playing in the snow with Daddy. This is the beginning of the snowman that she talked about making all day. However, once she got bored shoveling, she decided she would much rather just throw snowballs at Daddy.

The pictures aren't that great because that would require me actually going outside. In the snow. Not. Going. to. Happen. She was one proud snow-shoveler, though!

We made a tent to watch Mary Poppins in. It was super warm and comfy, and just a hair

Hanging out in the tent

And when we couldn't think of anything fun to do, we blew up the bouncehouse in the living room and had a jumpfest.

Lorelai woke up the next day saying "I jump! I jump!"

Mommy got to craft a little.

We did lots of painting and coloring and reading Mary Engelbreit's Fairy Tales over and over. Both girls LOVE this book and will sit with me under the covers reading it forever.
How could you not have a great week with these sweet girls?
Maybe it'll do it again next month :)